Lire à connaître.

One can't live without two.

Assalamu'alaykum..

These past few weeks, I've been filling up my ... times with some activities. Good ones and not-really-good ones. In the feeling of guilt, I sank myself into books.

These are some I read since the school ended.

1) Bulan di Atas Champs-elysees by Eva Hana (not a real name).

It is said to be written from the writer's experience in France and about her real life. It is an interesting story as it's not a typical story. The story is about the writer, the writer's love story with a French man and her marriage.

Rate : 8.5/10.

2) Does My Head Look Big In This? by Randa Abdel-Fattah.

This story is about an Australian-Palestinian-Muslim girl who was born and lives in Australia and is juggling between a normal teenage life and a teenage-as-a-Muslim life. It is quite exciting to read this book because you're reading an English novel but there's a lot of Islamic things inside. Okay, fine.. this is my first time reading such books. It gives you a different perspective on how other people thinks.

Rate : 8.5/10.

Te voir!


*p/s.. tentiba rasa macam rajin je nak update.. :D

Undecided.

One can't live without two.

Assalamu'alaykum..

I did mention that I went to an indoor camp, or programme actually, called Indoor in the last post, right? Oh yes, there were so many good things and great values of which I can get and should get. By that sentence, you should know there's something wrong. Ahahaha. Okay, normally I can't absorb everything from a programme. And truth be told, I usually absorb less than half. Yeah, shame on me.

And most of the time, I went to the programme because of so many unreasonable reasons. And because of that, I felt that I am such an ungrateful person because I had the chance but was not used wisely.

Since that, I planned to share some quotes I get from there. And maybe, it can be like a reminder somehow. You'll never know. Every little thing counts. :D

"Bila kita tidak menambah apa-apa kebaikan di atas dunia, 
maka kita adalah lebihan dunia."

Which means, if you can't contribute anything good to the world, you are equally the same as an unnecessary waste. Just imagine it this way. You eat something good. Then, your system digest it and process it the way it should. And in the end, it should come out somehow as anything that shouldn't be hold in your body. But you're so stubborn that you don't want let it out. After a while, your body is going to get sick. 

And that's how it is. Though it started out as a good thing, but if in the end you contribute nothing, you are just a waste.

"Be a Salmon which go against the flow. Be the one who influenced others."

This world is different. Therefore, it's either you lose or you win the battle. What battle? The battle to be strong to yourself. To fight all kind of bad elements. The battle to hold on to people and take them out from their misery shells.

So it's either you influenced others or you're the one who is being influenced by them. That's why, be strong!

....

Ohkey, before anything becomes even longer, I shall stop here.

Te voir!

*p/s.. coming up next; 1) Lima A 2) Book Reviews. :D

Burung is bird.

One can't live without two.

Assalamu'alaykum..

The past week had been busy for me. I went to an indoor camp called 'Indoor'. Yes, it is Indoor and just Indoor. If there were any other names, I never knew. (I think my English is rusting. [?!] haha.) But today, I'm not going to share about it. I'm going to share about my speech (?) in one of the slots called Public Speaking or Pengucapan Awam.

Since I was one of the first six (the first six did it on the first day, the others did it on the second), I prepared and finalized my points a few five minutes before the public speaking session started. ha. ha. My friend told me to do about birds since I had a few families of birds dropping by my house as a temporary shelter. (read; Of the Bird's Family and Is it Milah Again?)

.........

Why are you highlighting this supposedly blank area?

Long story short, if I were to choose to become an animal, I would choose to be a bird. Why? Because it can fly to any place it wanted.

I want to see the world.

I want to know more.

I want to learn another language.

I want to be free.

"All at once, everything is different."

Humph.

Ambitions.

One can't live without two.

Assalamu'alaykum..

As people grew, every now and then they would be asked of this question; "What is your ambition?" or "What do you want to be in the future?" or something similar.

I admit that I keep on changing my ambition. Wanting to try that, and then sudden interest of doing this came up. It looked like, I have lots in mind and wanting to do everything. I am easily influenced. I can have this dream one day because of watching a movie, and I can have that dream later after watching a drama. (Yeah, too many dramas and movies and TVs, I guess.)

Despite this, I never really decide on what I wanted to. Like, seriously decide on something. I thought being a pilot is cool because you can fly anywhere, of course where your job take you to. Being an accountant is quite 'not-bad-kind-of-job' thing because you can get loads of money. Not to say, being a movie director or something to do with it is totally awesome because movies moved people deep in their heart though sometimes it only lasted about an hour or two.

Profiler is one of many jobs that fits in my 'Cool Jobs' category. You analyse people and know more about them based on their behaviour and things about them without actually know them. Like, reading people in a way. Doing business has always been one of the jobs I've been considering. But maybe business is not my thing.

I really salute my friends who have set up their minds into doing something for real. Like, choosing to be a fashion designer. A fashion designer that follows the rules of Islamic dressing codes. And yeah, she wowed me of her talent. Well, I got to say, a designer suits her. Whether it suits her best or not, only she knows.

And then, some others are thinking of going into the law way. Lawyers, we need young lawyers that truly brings up justice for innocent people and really fight for the truth. Being a lawyer isn't easy. Then again, what kind of job is that easy? Each thing has its own advantages and disadvantages. That's what a team for. It's better to have many with different roles to play rather than many with the same abilities and being redundant.

Anyway, trying to set your mind into doing something is not easy. It's about your life. So, think thoroughly and ask for His guidance every time you want to decide on something, big decisions or small.

After everything I listed, I finally decided to pursue on **e. (Haha. No, I won't tell you. Though I can say, it scares me every time I think of it.) Well, at least, let me give you a clue.

This, inspire me. :)

See ya!

Lies and Life.

One can't live without two.

Assalamu'alaykum..

The other day, I watched Liar Game, Liar Game 2 and Liar Game: The Final Stage. They are the Liar Game season one and two and movie. This drama is about random people being chosen to participate in a game called Liar Game. The objective of this game is to deceive others in order to gain more money. Obviously, it's not a love story, so it caught my attention when I was wandering around the site to look for something to watch. 

Since its name is Liar Game, the only way to play is to cheat, deceive and hurt others to avoid from going into debt or to gain more money. But there's always another choice to choose; to beat cheating is to be honest and to build trust. Honesty is the best way to go in this life.

But being honest is not being dumb or naive. Being honest is being true to others and self even if the reality is not desirable. Speak of the truth and only the truth. 

"I'd rather be deceived than to lose faith in people."

Then, I watched 49 Days. It is about the values of life and the people around us. To cut a long story short, appreciate those around you and be grateful of what you have. Always be thankful for the great life and never regret any second you had. Live well now so you may live well later.

"Whenever life is hard, remember those days you treasured and gather your courage and live well."

Gb!

Noktah pada hidup.

One can't live without two.

Assalamu'alaykum..

It was not new. It has been months. It has been 6 months to be exact. But I just knew. Nevertheless, may Allah bless her.

Every soul shall have a taste of death: and We test you by evil and by good by way of trial. to Us ye must return. [21:35]

Innalillah wa innailaihiraji'un.

Setiap kali ada orang yang meninggal dunia di sekeliling aku, dan kalau aku pernah kenal orang itu, aku mesti akan rasa, "Oh, aku dah takkan jumpa orang ni sampai bila-bila selama aku dekat dunia ni."

Walaupun aku jarang jumpa orang tu, walaupun mungkin cuma pernah jumpa sekali, tapi perasaan tu tetap ada. Kalau sebelum ni, walaupun tak jumpa tapi dalam hati ni tahu, "somewhere in this world, he/she lives." Lepas tu mungkin kadang-kadang akan terfikir, "Apa yang dia tengah buat sekarang ni ya?"

Tapi sekarang, cuma boleh doakan yang terbaik. Cuma boleh doakan supaya dia ditempatkan dikalangan orang-orang yang soleh dan solehah. Dan semoga Allah menerima segala amal kebajikan yang dilakukan.

Doa, penghubung antara yang masih hidup dan yang sudah pergi.

Siapa 'dia' yang aku maksudkan ni? Aku pernah kenal dia waktu 2007. Lebih kurang 5 tahun yang lepas. Itu  kali pertama dan kali terakhir aku jumpa dia. Waktu tu sempat la berkawan. Tapi aku, kan susah nak bergaul dengan orang. Jadi, lepas tu pun memang tak rapat. Tapi boleh la kalau nak tegur-tegur online.

Dia ada blog. Dekat blog dia la aku ambil tahu pasal perkembangan hidup dia. Lama dah dia tak update. Ingatkan sebab dia sibuk atau banyak hal atau tak available. Rupanya memang tak available. Post yang terakhir, mungkin sehari dua sebelum dia kemalangan dan koma.

Dan selama ni, aku ingat dia dah merantau ke negara orang.

Ah, memang hidup ini tak dapat dijangka. Ambil peluang yang ada dan hargai orang di sekeliling kita. Siapa tahu, esok atau lusa... masa kita pula yang tiba. Dah bersedia ke nak dijemput?

Pergi dulu.

Sekolah Tercinta.

One can't live without two.

Assalamu'alaykum..

Saya rindu sekolah saya. Sekolah saya seronok. Ada ramai kawan-kawan dan cikgu-cikgu kesayangan saya. Tapi itu waktu saya masih bersekolah di sekolah saya iaitu di Sekolah Menengah Islam Hidayah. Sekarang, kami semua dah habis sekolah. Maklumlah, baru habis SPM bulan Disember lalu. Sekarang kerjaya terhormat kami, menanam anggur yang tak kunjung tiba buahnya.

Beberapa hari yang lalu, saya bermimpi mengenai sekolah saya. Wah, sungguh pelik keadaan sekolah saya dalam mimpi itu. Terasa seperti di satu tempat yang baru. Saya tahu, sekolah saya banyak perubahannya tapi mimpi saya itu sangat pelik sebab bangunannya sungguh terabur dan tidak ada rupa sekolah.

Rupanya, tanpa disedari dah sebulan aku tak menjenguk sekolah saya. Wah, baru sebulan saya tak menjenguk sekolah, saya sudah mimpi yang bukan-bukan. Bagaimana jika sudah 20 tahun saya berhenti sekolah nanti (kalau saya masih hidup, insyaAllah)? Pasti saya akan mula bermimpi yang lebih bukan-bukan. Atau mungkin lebih teruk, saya mungkin akan berhalusinasi yang bukan-bukan.

Apa yang harus saya lakukan?

Haaa, hanya ada satu saja penawarnya yang berkesan. Saya harus melawat sekolah saya! Ya, itu memang penawar yang terjamin keberkesanannya.

Okey, saya dah jumpa jalan penyelesaiannya. Ahh, tapi melawat sekolah saya, tempat jatuh bangun saya dan kawan-kawan, keseorangan sangat tidak seronok. Ada yang sudi melawat sekolah bersama saya? .... Nampaknya tiada jawapan. Oh, tidak mengapa. Saya akan melawat sekolah saya bila hati terasa tidak tertahan akan rindu yang menggunung. Ah bukan, bukan lagi menggunung tapi sudah melangit tinggi. (Jangan risau, saya tahu saya puyu. After all, I am trying to be dramatic here.)

Wah, sudah panjang rupanya luahan hati yang tidak bermakna ini.

Terima kasih kerana mendengar luahan hati saya. (Atau mungkin lebih tepat, membaca luahan hati saya.) Apapun, terima kasih.

Saya minta diri dulu. :)

*waiitttt......... I used 'saya' instead of 'aku' which is very weird. yup, I think I'm being weird these days. I need to get some fresh air! HOYEAH!*

Sang Mentari Pagi.

I hate it when I have to admit that you're right.

Assalamu'alaykum..

Ahhh, terasa hati mula dipenuhi dengan debu-debu kerinduan. Argh, kerinduan ini menggamit jiwa dan mengganggu malam-malamku dengan menghantui mimpi-mimpi indahku. Apakah yang harus aku lakukan...?

----siaran tergendala----

Ergh, sudah seminggu berlalu sejak MyKEM bermula. Erk, bukan bermaksud masih berlangsung. Dah lama juga tamat. Ergh, dua hari dua malam cuma. Petang Jumaat hingga petang Ahad. Kisahnya di sana?

Baca saja dekat tempat lain. Contohnya, sini ada ceritakan dengan ringkas (atau, mungkin juga dengan.. sewajarnya?).

Dekat sana.... . Memang lumrah alam, tidak ada yang kita akan suka dan jatuh cinta padanya 100%. Ada saja kelemahan dalam setiap sesuatu. Ada saja yang aku tak suka. Ada yang aku rasa.... banyak yang bermain di otak aku. Tapi, bukan itu yang penting untuk dikongsi.

Ada baca post "Kebebelan"? Dalam tu, aku ada katakan hati berat sejuta kilo jadi ringan seperti kapas bila tahu tak perlu panjat gunung dan cuma ada trekking. Nampaknya, tekaan awal aku salah. Trekking jangan dipandang sebelah mata. Siapa kata trekking tak boleh buat kena jalan atas jalan tar turun naik bukit sampai 10 kilometer pergi-balik? Turun naik bukit tu bukan sekadar turun dan naik yang biasa-biasa saja. Tapi kecerunan bukit tu memanglah menguji kaki, lutut, mental dan kekuatan tenaga yang berbaki.

Seperti yang dikatakan, perjalanan mengambil masa selama 1 jam sehala. Terasa macam gabungan cabaran jalan panjang dalam Mukhayyam Form 3 (MyF3) yang macam tak ada kesudahan dengan panjat gunung dalam MyF4.

Okay, okay. Bukan itu yang nak dikongsi.

Lepas selesai 6 jam 'penyeksaan jiwa' dan selesai solat 'Asar, kami dikumpulkan dan diberi sedikit leteran. Yea, hati yang mudah marah ini memang banyak berkata tatkala mendengar leteran tu. Hehe. Lepas tu, ada aktiviti seterusnya.

Lorekkan peta pada negara yang akan menjadi negara Islam dalam 15 tahun akan datang dan negara yang kini ialah negara Islam.

"Ini bukan pertandingan mewarna. Itu pun lama sangat ke nak lorekkan?"

"Memang la bukan pertandingan mewarna. Mewarna tak payah nak fikir."

Lepas tu kena bentangkan. Dalam pada membentangkan pada si pengadil, hati kecil terdetik dan mula berfikir. Leteran tadi berlegar di ruang kepala.

Dalam leteran itu ada menegur sikap kami yang dikatakan lemah kerana mahu mengalah hanya selepas melalui jalan yang tidak kurang mencabarnya. Leteran itu juga ada membandingkan situasi kami dengan situasi Rasulullah yang terpaksa berhijrah ke Madinah melalui padang pasir yang teriknya jauh lebih terik dan perjalanannya jauh lebih jauh. Wah, memang rasa macam dipanah terus masuk dan tertusuk pada jantung.

Tepat dan mengena dan... .... .

Bila membentangkan mengenai peta, si pengadil bertanya, "Boleh ke dalam 15 tahun seluas ni? Mampu ke?" Dengan sendirinya aku berkata, "We have to aim big. Dan kita kena usahalah...." Wah, macam ada lagi satu anak panah tertusuk. Tadi dengan mudah mengalah hanya kerana hati tak mahu teruskan gara-gara kaki katakan 'Dah penat la!'. Sekarang bercakap besar dan kata mahu berusaha hanya kerana nak puaskan hati pengadil. Oh, manusia, manusia.

Rasa macam... tak tepati kata-kata sendiri. Rasa... teruk diri ini. Yosh, hidup kena bermuhasabah dan berubah ke arah yang lebih baik! YOSH!

To see something beyond pain is magnificent. :)

Semoga menjadi sesuatu yang bermanfaat. :)

Pergi dulu.

Kebebelan.

It's not easy, it's an uphill battle.

Assalamu'alaykum..

Wahh.. tiba-tiba rasa nak membebel. Macam dah lama sangat tak membebel dekat sini. Rupanya cuma baru 3 hari je. Humph.

Esok bermula program Pasca SPM yang pertama. Hoyeahh. Terasa macam dah lama tak buat aktiviti berfaedah. (Yelah, duduk rumah ternak lemak je. Eh, tak. Tak ternak lemak sebab makin kurang makan. sobsob.) Berprogram dengan kebanyakkannya kawan-kawan sekolah dulu. (Huh huh, "dulu" laaa.) Hoh, terasa rindu pula. Yolah, jumpa last sekali sebelum taklimat hari tu, masa sehari lepas SPM. Dah berkurun abadnya lepas tu baru jumpa semula. Memang la lama.

Mengikut perancangan asal program pertama ni, yang Outdoor/Camping / berkhemah / Mukhayyam, ada mendaki gunung. Gunung Ledang nun di sana yang banyak cerita dongeng tu. Fuhh, berat sejuta kilo terasa hati ni nak pergi. Macam dah trauma nak panjat gunung lagi. (Hoh, silalah katakan aku ni manja atau tak adventurous atau apa-apa yang seumpama, aku tak peduli.) Semua ni gara-gara panjat gunung waktu 2010, Gunung Arong. Fuhh, mendaki je dah rasa macam, "Huh, huh, macam dah beratus tahun sejak aku mula mendaki nih. Kenapa tak sampai-sampai nih?!"

Waktu sampai puncak yang paling puncak tu, "HAAAHHH!! I'm halfway there!!" Rasa nak melompat tak ingat dunia, sangat gembira. Eh, bukan sebab aku berjaya menawan satu gunung yang seciput tapi sebab lagi setengah jalan je nak sampai kaki gunung. Atau dengan erti kata lain, makin dekat dengan penghujung penyekasaan jiwa.

Huh, apatah lagi bila banyak bebenor berhentinya sampai rasa, "Woi! Aku nak sampai cepat nehhh!!" Tapi hati cepat disabarkan. (Ye ke?) Memang bersyukur betul bila terfikir yang aku jalan antara yang depan-depan jugak. Jadi memang sampai dulu la. Bila dah sampai bawah, hui, rasa gembira tak ingat dunia.

Jadi semenjak hari tu, dah bertekad dalam jiwa, HAH, TAK NAK AKU PANJAT GUNUNG LAGI. Buat seksa jiwa raga je. Bila jiwa raga terseksa, kesihatan pun terjejas. Cheh.

Oh, kesimpulannya, panjat gunung tak jadi. Walaupun ada trekking tapi takpe asalkan bukan hiking. Hati yang berat sejuta kilo dah jadi sangat ringan seperti kapas. Okay, tipu. Masih rasa keberatan disitu. Macam tergesa-gesa segalanya. 

Apakah ini semuanya realiti masa kini?!

Beberapa tahun kebelakangan ni, aku rasa tak-nak-pergi-mukhayyam-tak-kira-apa-terjadi tapi akhirnya memang akan pergi sebab keadaan suka betul memaksa aku. Oh, tapi bahagian ni dah pernah bebel.

Kesimpulannya, memang banyak dalam hidup yang akan mengecewakan kita, melukakan perasaan kita, menghancurkan hati kita dan mengganggu emosi kita tapi jangan lupa pengalaman yang membuatkan hati kita berbunga gembira, yang buat hati kita melompat keriangan, yang buat perasaan kita tak terkata indahnya.

Memang kopi itu pahit tapi kalau tambah gula, kopi pun boleh jadi manis dan enak.

Hahhh.. okay, bebelan dah boleh berakhir.

(baru kata; "panjang berjela la blog dia.. tak larat nak baca.." "banyak merapu eh..? macam blog kau la." ".... taklaa.. mana ada tulis sepanjang dia.." sekarang ni dah membebel panjang pulak.. hehehe.. manusia..)